Yesterday, we remembered Miley’s VMA past and wondered what 2015 would hold. Now we know.
First there was whatever this is on the red carpet:
Obviously since Miley’s hosting, she’s paying a little homage to the Moon Man himself in this set of silver suspenders and a bejeweled skirt (made of only jewels, because actual fabric covered genitalia is so last year) by Atelier Versace, accented with a pair of space-stripper knee-high boots.
Beauty: a super-long set of blonde dread extensions worn in a high ponytail, a bright-blue smoky eye and a red lip. Spoiler: the Saved By the Bell-meets-Bob Marley high ponydreads will be her choice for hair looks this evening. (Can you say “Pony Dreadful”?!)
It only gets weirder (and arguably worse) from there – here are all of her outfit choices throughout the evening:
We’re titling this one “an old lady’s favorite bracelet”. This is the most clothed she appeared at the 2015 VMAs.
Miley treated the evening like her own special Halloween, this time dressing up as Cher’s pen from Clueless and also kind of as a girl who’d really like to be molested by Austin Powers. Also Atelier Versace.
Channeling a different Cher, Miley decided to show us what she’d look like as the floor from Saturday Night Fever.
Then there’s this French cut from hell. Despite likely having the worst wedgie of all time, she still managed to act completely awkward and remind us of her Southern just-a-girl Miley roots. But now you can use her to fantasize about playing Pick-Up-Stix off of Bo Derek’s head in the Fortress of Solitude.
Who’s in the mood for Dippin’ Dots? Person with the most racist glasses gets their bowl free!
Found on Google Image Search under “porn Mr. Potato Head looks at”.
Aw look, it’s My Little Gaga! She’s so original with her crazy colors and tongue out, isn’t she? Look, look, she’s still relevant!
As if we haven’t seen enough of Miley’s teensy chest, she decided to give them another moment in the spotlight while dressed as that Bonne Bell nail polish color your mother keeps giving you despite the fact that you’re 30. (This is also Atelier Versace, believe it or not.)
And finally – yay, she’s a human pride flag! But wait – where is her tongue? Oh my god, we lost Miley’s tongue! Nooooooo – oh wait, there it is. Phew, for a minute there I thought we no longer had visual contact with it, thus willing it into nonexistence.
I’m SO done. Miss Piggy’s family is picketing over this one.
What do you think of Miley’s, erm, fashion choices this year?