We’ve been together for such a long time, and through the years, I’ve been completely loyal to you. I’ve turned away countless other flat irons… but now, I’m sorry to tell you: I’ve found someone new. His name is Corioliss Classic Pro.
Please try to understand my reasons, CHI. Cory dresses much better than you do (pink is the new black, you know), and frankly, he weighs less. (This may not be the time to bring it up, but have you considered going on a diet?)
He’s just as hot as you are, but unlike you, he’s never burned me. He’s doing great at his job, and I think we have a real future together.
Don’t think of this as goodbye, CHI… we’ll always be friends, and you’ll be right there, in the bathroom drawer.
(Well… maybe the guest bathroom drawer.)
P.S.: I’m taking the Silk Infusion.