So by now you’ve all figured out that the Sassy Dove is not remotely rich. If she were, we’d probably be reviewing Creme de la Mer. But alas, my paltry wages have me resorting to drugstore products on the reg. So when I was at the dreaded Wal-Mart picking up yet another 20 lb. bag of cat food (I swear to God I don’t know where they put it all) and saw the Freeman Pineapple Facial Enzyme Mask, I was reminded of the advice I’ve gotten during spa facials.

I have combination skin and my pores clog up like a GoDaddy server after a DDoS attack, so facialists (or “estheticians”, if I paid a lot) are always recommending I use products with fruit enzymes and AHAs to break down the built-up sludge I’ve got in my pores. These ingredients for the price – how could I resist? The mask’s application time is a little long – 10 minutes, to be exact. I massaged it on as they recommended, and waited.

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