Things people say to redheads

Things People Say To Redheads (AKA The Redheaded Airing of The Grievances)

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Redhead Problems - Cailin in Pigtails is not Pippy LongstockingI like to write a positive blog for the most part. However, there comes a time when there must be The Airing of The Grievances. This is one of those times – the redheaded edition.

My head was born a blonde, but my heart has always been a redhead. I tried to deny it, I tried to fight it, but in the end I realized why my first instinct way back in high school was to go red – I had to embrace the redhead inside of me.

I thought the bonus to this move would be ditching all the dumb-blonde jokes and annoying come-ons. Little did I know, I was just trading one haircolor’s suite of witty repartee for another.

Without further ado, here are the things people apparently think about redheads based on what they say. I call it redhead prejudice – “redjudice”. Be warned – though I present them in good fun, most of these are fairly sexist. I imagine the things that are said to redheaded men are entirely different.

  • We all like to fight. God forbid you show a modicum of disagreement or *gasp* annoyance. “There’s that fiery temper!” they’ll triumphantly exclaim, as if they’ve ‘caught’ you succumbing to your internal beast, like a hue-inverted Incredible Hulk.
  • Every redhead looks like all other redheads – even fictional, cartoon redheads. I used to work with a girl who was a proper ginger (more on that later) with freckles and classic orange-auburn hair. Meanwhile, I was experimenting with Manic Panic’s fire-engine red dyes. The day after I dyed my hair, customers began commenting, “are you two sisters?” Uhm. No. No, we bear utterly no similarity to each other apart from having a hairstyle that falls under the massive window of shades in the warm color spectrum.The redhead you look most like is the one whose hairstyle is most similar to yours. No other features matter.
      • Redhead with a Veronica Lake sidepart? Congratulations, you’re Jessica Rabbit.
      • Redhead with pigtails? You are literally identical to Pippi Longstocking, no matter how non-flippy your tails, or whether they’re braided, or anything.

    20140704-144101-52861585.jpg 20140704-144101-52861841.jpg
    Totally the same.

    • Wearing pink? Well gee golly red, you’re Strawberry Shortcake.
    • Also, any redhead in a bikini looks like Ariel from The Little Mermaid.
    • Redhead at a Wendy’s? Just leave. Get out while you can.
  • For your sake, I truly pray for you that you are not actually someone’s redheaded stepchild. As each person in your life slowly realizes this fact, you will witness each of them having the same epiphany and laughing fit. Next, they’ll experience what seems to be a paralyzing inability to stop talking about beating you. Not okay.
  • The most disgusting of human beings are very interested in whether or not the carpet matches the drapes. Most of these are just annoying, but I think this one should qualify for legally justifiable wallop in the princely delicates.
  • The second most disgusting of human beings are preoccupied by the stereotype that redheads make for an exciting time in the sack. It doesn’t matter to them if your red is clearly a dye job (which presumably would negate any effect on your natural boudoir-specific qualities): it’s just a nice excuse to talk about somebody else’s private bedroom business, the same way some people use pregnant women’s showing bellies. (“Was it planned?” “All natural?” “Did you try for a girl?” All nice ways of saying “I’d like to know more intimate details of your sex life, please.”)
  • All redheads are gingers, and the ginger jokes never ever get old. Ha ha ha, yes, very cute. South Park says that light skinned freckly people with red hair are called gingers and have no souls.Here’s the problem: not all of us are this variety of redhead. Some of us *shudder* dye our hair to achieve this effect and thus have none of the other ginger characteristics (making us fall more into South Park’s “daywalker” category). But this distinction doesn’t matter to those who cry “ginger” to us relentlessly multiple times a day. Ginger used to be a pretty name to give a little red-locked girl – now it’s a source of torment.My proposed solution: let’s start calling all the cute little brown haired brown eyed children “chestnuts” and laugh at how easily they attract lice. That’ll teach ’em.
  • We’re all Irish. All of us. Never mind that Scotland actually has the highest percentage of redheads in the world (because red hair is most common among Germanic and Celtic people, and much of the once-prevalent true Celtic lineage is gone from the Ireland of today). We’re also all lucky because we’re all Irish, so prepare yourself to experience a socially acceptable form of harassment at casinos as grown men ask you to blow on dice, let them rub your hair and even offer a kiss on the cheek. Uhm. No. Redheads are not walking Blarney Stones. Leave us be!

For all my complaining, there are times I enjoy, laugh at and reap the benefits of the absurd things people do and say in their “redjudice”.

What have you experienced based on your hair color alone?

30 thoughts on “Things People Say To Redheads (AKA The Redheaded Airing of The Grievances)”

  1. i’ve def not experienced this based on hair.. but there are always asian stereotypes in general. 🙂 i like the shade of red you have. i feel like i should also be redhead if it wasn’t so difficult with all the bleaching i would have to do. 🙂

  2. Very funny post! I hardly get any comments on my hair color besides nice things, but it bugs me when people insist it’s black when it’s actually what I would call darkest brown. 😉

  3. Hehe, aww, so cute!! Redheads are SO gorgeous. To be honest, I always think Jessica Rabbit! (I really giggled at the part, “at Wendy’s? Just get out.” LOL!)

  4. When I lived in Finland I was always considered a dark haired brunette. A very dark actually for someone from Finland. Then I came to Ecuador became a blond. Not because I tinted my hair or anything. It just is totally blond, when you compare it to the blacker than the black hole hair that people have here. It was a huge identity crisis to go from naturally dark to naturally blond.

  5. I’m a blonde and I can’t stand stupid blonde jokes. It gets super old and is seriously so 20 years ago. Hey, the 90’s called — they want their lame jokes back.

  6. I would say just ignore people who say mean things about any hair color. I am naturally black, but I dyed my hair red a few months ago and love it. I don’t pay attention to what people think or say about me.

  7. Ahh! I have experienced all of this as a red-head! I’ve dyed my hair red since high school, but truthfully, it is an orange-ish red naturally. Nevermind that I have dark brown eyebrows and tan skin, people always assume I’m a ginger!

  8. Hehe. Great post! My 2-month-old was born a redhead, but now it’s falling out and coming in brown. I was a bit disappointed about this because I was excited to have a redhead!

  9. I’m a natural redhead, and have heard every one of these – including the redheaded stepchild jokes, as I do in fact have a stepmother. Most also assume I’m Irish, and are then shocked to find I am Slavic-Jewish. Yes, Jewish people can have red hair too!

    You did forget a few, though, probably because you weren’t a redheaded child (and one might be generational). There’s the stubborn stereotype, which is admittedly true in my case, and also “Little Orphan Annie.” I had the misfortune of being 6 years old when that movie came out, along with the fro hairstyle to match… so for YEARS I was called Annie, and/or serenaded with “Tomorrow” wherever I went. But I’ve always taken it in stride, and consider the red hair more of a blessing than a curse. 🙂

    1. I was 5 when Annie came out, short curly red red red hair. Now as an adult, I can say that red hair is nice. But as a kid? The torture!!! Also, people feel free to come over and touch your hair. So odd.

      The most annoying thing now is people asking why my kids don’t have red hair. Hello, recessive genes!

  10. I have naturally red hair and have heard ALL of these things. And yes, I am a stepchild. It also sucked growing up in the late 80’s early 90’s when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was originally popular. The only female character was redheaded, and named April O’Neal. I got called April O’Neal Every. Stupid. Friggin. Day. GAH!

  11. Ha you guys think you got it bad my boyfriend and I both have natural red hair people will think were related and when they realize they were wrong they begin chanting ginger couple. I had a teacher say that to me last year, yay… but seriously I’ve had almost all of that happen Wendy’s was wow don’t even get me started

  12. As a redhead the worst I heard was requests to “play dot to dot”. I once wore a cute polka dot bikini… Comment was “look, spots on spots”. People feel free to comment all the time on freckles.

  13. I have auburn hair and my daughter has the orange variety of red. The ends of my hair almost matches her hair exactly thanks to years of sun lightening.

    I can’t tell you how many people look at her (in my arms with my long hair next to hers) and ask, “Where’d she get the red hair from?” Uhhhhhhh.

  14. I am a natural auburn red head with blue eyes, pale asf skin and freckles and because of the recessive gene, I ended up being the only one in my entire family with red hair. I was bullied quite a lot for my hair colour with people saying I was the devils child or carrot top or whatever else they could think of. I was also asked if I was related to some of my family members because I looked so different to them.

  15. My favorite comment will always be, “I’ve never dated a redhead before. I wonder if you live up to your ‘name.'” Um, excuse you. First off, I’m a strawberry blonde, not a redhead. Secondly, that was extremely rude and since when does hair determine if you’re a good date or not? Yeah, needless to say, I haven’t talked to that guy again.

    My other favorite is when someone says I’m so lucky to be a redhead and they would just DIE for my hair. They forget the countless hours I spend un-knotting and taming it, how hot and heavy it is in the summer humidity, and the impossible task of taming the frizz. Not to say I would have it any other way… 🙂

    P.S. I always get compared to Merida. Not sure why because other than the un-tameable curls, I am nothing like her. It’s not fun when people start assuming things about you…

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